forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
