i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
