Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
