Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
