he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
