puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
