Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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