I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
