whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize