im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
