First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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