i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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