my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
