were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
