also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
