I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The best revenge is premature balding
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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