I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
