Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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