Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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