Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
