note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
