Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
