What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He felt like a one man threesome
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
