i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
