Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're like the curious george of whores
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
