My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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