Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
