neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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