Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
