He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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