i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
