I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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