I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
