You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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