Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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