I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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