this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
