He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
