I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
