Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
