I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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