i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
