i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
