i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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