Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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