What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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