hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
