were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize