i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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