i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i dont even know how to be here
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
