At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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