Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize