How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
