is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize