He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize