but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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