and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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