Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
