Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
