so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
