i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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