you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
