My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
