If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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