I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
