Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize