So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
