When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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