it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
